To My Brother,

 

I can’t believe that you are starting to prepare to head off to college. You’ve gone through the brutal process of applying to schools but now you’ve chosen one. Doesn’t it feel good? Are you excited? I feel like you would be after listening to all of my stories and thoughts about college. You know that I’m having the time of my life. I’m not sure if you know this, but I think about you pretty much everyday. Going from seeing my little brothers for a few hours every day to maybe seeing you once a month he as been really tough. But I guess that’s how college works - at least we have social media and FaceTime to keep up with each other.

 

But I’m here to talk about something a bit more serious, something that I haven’t talked about with you before. You can get a bit angry and impulsive at times, and I know that you’re aware of this. As a teenage boy, it is expected that you are going to be rowdy. That you don’t know how to behave. That your behavior, if a bit wild, is excusable. I’m here to tell you when it comes to women, it is not. One tiny bit.

 

I’ve watched you grow up and see you become the incredible young man that you are. You were brought up in a pretty amazing home - Our mom is a strong, incredible woman who I know you love and respect. Dad respects her, too. As your older sister, I’m here to tell you that you must have this level of respect for every woman that you meet, date, or are just hooking up with. I know that you both understand how, on a surface-level, to treat a woman. No, this letter is not going to be me asking about all of the girls that you’ve been with, because we both know that is a conversation that neither of us want to have. I just want you to know how important it is that you are aware of what it means to really communicate with the women in your life, especially in college.

 

I also know that you’re excited to party. We’ve talked about it a ton, and even experienced it together a bit. I’ve brought you up to ome hang and go out with me, but when you’re at college, I’m not going to be there to watch you. I need you to know how to behave when I’m not there to tell you.

 

I know that you want to join a frat. With this comes drinking and peer pressure to hook up with girls, two things that you have already come a bit familiar with over the past year or so. You should not feel obligated to do either of these things, even if your fraternity brothers tell you that you must. College boys, especially fraternity boys, have a reputation for sexual assault. But the two are not mutually exclusive. There may come a time where you want to be with a girl who has been heavily drinking. Temptations might be high, but nothing is worth the damage that is done that comes from not waiting. Waiting until she is sober, until she can consent. This means that she will directly tell you “yes, I want this” and nothing else. I know that you are big enough for that responsibility. I know that you will not be a rapist.

 

You’re aware of the coverage that sexual assault has been getting in the news over the past year. I’m sure that you have even heard about these incidents happening to people you know. Hopefully you are thinking “that could never be me.” But I want to challenge you to go even further. Read some of the stories that recount the first-hand experience that some of these women have endured. Do you want to cause this type of trauma in someone’s life? Do you want to be the reason why they are unable to sleep at night, why the do not feel comfortable wearing a tight shirt, why they don’t feel comfortable saying know? I’m begging you, Eddie, be smart. Be safe. Know how to communicate.

 

Also, if you see something, say something. You can do more than just be a decent human being, which when you think about it, is all I’m asking you to do. Encourage some of your obnoxious, douchey friends to do the same. Think of your girl friends. Think of me. Think of mom. I love you.

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Love,

Your Sister